It’s Not You, London: It’s Me

It’s not you, London: It’s me.
Six years ago, I dissolved in you so easily
And now I need to be free

It’s not easy to go
But I’ve had enough pret lunches
And vanilla chai with my brunches
More soya lattes than you know

Got salted caramel in my veins
My lycra’s full of homemade hummus stains
Got rising rent wrapped around me like chains

But my bank is the bank of dreams,
And the balance is low.
I need change.
My Google maps is out of signal range

I’m tapping in and seeing red
I’m on the 29 with eyes like lead 
I’m longing for bed
And propping up a drunken stranger instead.

London, the decision’s mine.
I’ll be sure to swing by
When I want a good time.
And don’t give me that look!
You’ve had your lights
On every page of my book.

I’ve been to stations in all of your zones
I’ve ridden on tube trains with rush-hour drones,
Thinking how can I be so surrounded
And feel so alone?

There’s no blame here, London.
I’m glad I came here
But tick tock.
Big Ben couldn’t find the time
To take stock.

I need sand and rocks
I need thicker socks
I need snow.
And sun
And silence.
I need walks on my own.
If not neighbours I like, at least neighbours I know! 

And I do love my racing bike
But they lower your eyes, these dropped handlebars
I’ve reached the peak of my skills in weaving through cars
Wanna freewheel down a ravine
Wanna find a home in every shade of green
Wanna breathe my insides clean

And I’m afraid, London
How can we part?
I created a haven inside of your heart
I dismantled myself and began at the start.
I’ve paid my fees
I’m in the back lounge with the VIPs
I stuck around
I built communities

I tried and failed to write them down
All the people I’ve been
All the spaces of which I could never have dreamed
All the traces of thought that I’ve chased through the Heath
How your street lamps have gleamed! How much like old friends these pub signs have seemed!

And if time could freeze
I’d count all the faces who saw so much before me
Baring their souls; flying past in the breeze 
Like shards of a mirror, 
Or falling leaves

London! How proudly did we dance?
You have to agree
I gave you a chance
Six years of adventures
A lengthy romance

And honestly, I’ve always been a guest; 
I’ve been imposing
So here is your warning
It’s not a test
I’ll be off in the morning
Take care
All the best

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